One hot and sunny afternoon, Mark and five of his friends went to play football in the football court near his house.It is a three on three match.
When their school football coach walked by and saw that Mark and his friends were playing very well so he asked them to join the school football team, the Snow Kids.They all agreed. They train very hard for the coming football match.The match is Snow Kids VS The Red Lions.That day had came and they play very hard during the first half. At half time the it is 5-5 and the coach said” Keep it up and give it all you got”.At the match the Red Lions kick in one goal.Then,the Snow kids kick the ball in goal by that time there only have one more minutes.At the last 30 minutes Mark fell and hurt his leg after he kick the ball.The coach bring Mark to the nearest clinic and when he wake up he saw a big trophy on the table beside the bed.So Mark ask the coach what happened the coach said that Mark kick in the goal,than the player from the Red Lion push Mark and he hurt his leg and head.
They are very happy but the doctor said Mark cannot walk for 3 weeks.
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9 comments:
this story is very good and tho flow is good.
you should be typing some words in past tense instead of present tense because when you said that,
EG:Mark and five of his friends (went) to play football in the football court near his house,
I think you have forgotten that u wrote in past tense as in a few of the words, it is in present tense.
Here r some of the examples:
train>>trained
play>>played
one more minutes>>one more minute
kick>>kicked(2x)
wake>>woke
ask>>asked
push>>pushed
>>NUR SYAHIRAH<<
to many mistakes.
-Zeeshan
You can have more than 3 paragraphs in this story. Do read comments made by your friends and make the necessary changes in the Project folder. You can upload the updated story later.. :-)
too many mistake but nice story.
too many mistakes and your story should be in present tense and also your story is too too short
The ending is not complete but keep it up.
Elaine
this story is just like the gelatic football show.
one more minutes.At the last 30 minutes
what is that?
you should write
one more minutes.At the last 30 seconds.
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