Last Sunday morning, the MRT station was very crowded. Everyone was waiting for the train on the platform of the station. When the train arrived, everyone rushed into the train.
As it was too crowed, the train driver made an announcement to ask the passengers to wait for another train. One of the men said:" please co-operate. “Some of them had to go out and wait for another trained to arrive. A boy named Tom saw a present beside a seat. He quickly rushed to the control station and told one of the people to report that someone had left a present beside a seat.
Then one boy name called Ahmad went to the control station and he informed the control station's officer.
The control station's officer was very grateful to Tom and Ahmad for being a grateful boy.
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13 comments:
I think the story is very short
( What did the station officer did when tom told him that there were a present seat)
nabilah
I agree with Nabilah. Ken, you need to add on what the station officer said after knowing about the present.
Now my comments:-
You should put this as part of the second paragraph, "When the train arrived, everyone rushed into the train."
Wrong spelling "crowed". It should be "crowded". Did you use spell check before submitting?
For speech-"One of the men said:" please co-operate."
I know that your Chinese lesson uses ":" for speech but for English, pls use ","... :-)
That is all for now and I shall let your friends comment on other parts.. :-)
Hope this helps..
tom was relly a greatful boy. the story was too short.
by:jing yi
it was too short.
by:Elaine
The story was too short and there are spelling mistakes,i.e trained-train.But it was nice too!
-Minjun
i agree with ms safiah and nabilah too
i agree with ms safiah and nabilah too
yeah! I also agree with what ms safiah and nabilah said! and by the way, a very pleasent story,Ken!
.........:)..............XD
Nur Syahirah
Ken u might want to make it longer u know and improve and dont give up on anything..By the way it was intresting
-From satria
your story is a little too short and there are some spelling mistake but it is quite nice.
Yong Xuan
a good composition but too short
Teck Tiam
short story and mistakes try to improved on your story
thank you for all your wonderful comment.
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