Situational writing (by satria)
All Saturday, Hussein and Aisha were so excited they could think and talk of nothing else.Their parents had promised them to take them to the funfair! Then Huessein and Aisha were waiting excitedly at the bus-stop to wait for the bus.
When they got in they waited until they arrived at the train station then they got on.As they were riding on the train they were discussing what to play at the funfair.Then they would go on the dunking machine.
As they reached the funfair they saw lots of games to play they even saw their favorite game.First they went to eat first and then they went to the dunking machine and then they ride the roller coaster.But suddenly they got lost in the middle of the funfair.
But luckily there was a customer service.They quickly called out their parent's name . And then they were relieved to be together.
20 comments:
Good!Not bad!
u write the same word in one sentance n the sentance is 'First they went to eat first and they went to the dunking machine and......but anyway ,nice story.
ohh ty for the reply...which word though..
sat
not bad.not bad at all
a little bit boring....a gd opening but a terrible end(sori to say that but i cant help it!)
nice but short!good work frend!
mega
not bad
ty for the replies
"ride the roller coaster" the ride should be "rode". But your story is nice.
lol a little short but ok
hanif
It good but too short. Keep it up!
Your story is good!li jun
A FEW MISTAKES.
short and mistakes
Dear Satria,
I am actually a bit confused when I read the story. You can make improvements to it. You can replace the word "get on" with "board"... ;-)
boring but good
I'm not quite sure how to change the story..
there r some grammar mistakes but to me, tis story of yours is a really pleasant story.good job!!!
you could had made your story intresting discribing more and add more adjetive.
Nasheyl
not bad
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